A new journey

A view I will never tire of. Dream feeding and holding her booby. 8 months and still going strong.  I've held off writing for a while as we have hit another landmark, a move into her own room. To be honest it happened about 5-6 weeks ago, completely unplanned. Completely led by Freya. For a while I had been carrying her upstairs asleep, putting her in her cot while I got ready for bed, then waking and moving her. One night I looked at her and saw how comfortable she was. She had more space than the crib, and appeared happy. I thought she looks ready, let's try and see. I spent the next hour in tears that she wasn't with me and half the night listening for every little sound. She woke at 2am, happy jabbering. I went and got her fed her in our room and put her down in her crib.  The next day I had to remind myself this wasn't about me, it was what Freya wanted. So I moved her room around and got the nursing chair as comfy as possible. The next night I took her up and fe...

I took this photo tonight. Freya and I came to bed half an hour ago. She was excited getting ready for bed, giggling and kicking her legs. I got into bed holding her. Over the last few days she has developed a way of snuggling into my shoulder while sucking her fingers. She loves cuddles like this. But it was bedtime, that means cuddles then booby. So yes have a cuddle mum, breath in my baby smell, know I want you then I want booby. So down she shuffles and she's on. It takes a little while for her mind to calm down to sleep so she fidgets on and off for a bit. Then the fidgeting slows, she becomes calmer. She's asleep. But she's so clever, she carries on feeding she not finished yet. Then 10/15 minutes later she slowly lets go. She's had the milk she needs. But we still need the comfort, Freya feels happy, comfortable and safe here. It's her constant. Whatever new experiences we throw at her, I've learnt as long as she can feed, her booby is here for her then i...

Now Freya is 6 months she has started eating food! I've never been keen on purée stuff, looks and often smells yuck. So as with Alanna, Freya is going down the baby led weaning route.  For those not familiar with it, this website will explain it better http://www.babyledweaning.com/ Basically, it means Freya feeds herself. I cut up food into manageable chunks, but then it's over to her. If she can get the food from the tray to her mouth, the her mouth muscles are likely to deal with it. Bit more mess, but normally means once they have the hang of it you can eat your meal as well.  You have to allow that while they are what what food is, they may gag. I'm in the process of explaining it to the others. I'm going to print out the difference between gagging and choking.  We starting Freya on solids is now going to be a challenge for us to find healthier foods/meals. I've got quite slack at bung it in the oven meals, I need to cook properly again.  Sausage and mash ...

this is an emotional post, I formula fed Alanna, with some expressed milk in the first few weeks. Looking back I didn't have the support I needed or the understanding of how hard it can be. Her first 3 feeds were formula and every feed ended with the midwives fetching a top up of formula.  All her feeds became formula and I was told I had tried, but she needed the formula.  I ended up with pnd and this was a large part of the cause. For 10 years I have beaten myself for failing, for 10 years I've been trying to mentally make it up to her. I've felt guilty, a failure.  This time I thought about it while I was pregnant. I was determined to give it a go, but  I had formula to hand and try not to worry if it didn't work.  Freya was born on Monday 7 November 2016 at 9:04am weighing 9lb 3oz.  Fairly straight forward birth, with a 8 hour labour. What a different experience to last time. She was placed on my chest and we were covered together. The room was very c...

The start of a new part of my life. I've been married; had a daughter; got divorced; moved to Somerset; had a handfasting; Have 2 stepchildren; and now my daughter is 10 have a new baby!  It's taken me until she is nearly 6 months to do this, but finally getting there. We are a family of 6 now, plus a dog and 2 cats. My mum lives locally in Burnham-on-Sea with dad not far in a nursing home.  This blog is to remind me of the good times, and offload some of the bad.