Daddy bedtime

Daddy put her to bed for the first time in 9 months tonight. Not because he hasn't wanted to before, but I haven't let him. Tonight, I had no choice. My mum is seriously ill in hospital and I could only see her when he was home for the baby. 

He got her changed, gave her a bottle of expressed milk, remembered the music, the light, did everything right. I can't fault him. I don't know why I was looking to, maybe to feel that it can't be done without me? She was asleep in under 10 minutes with him. I know he loved it, I'm sure did as well. 

Why do I feel guilty? I missed her bedtime, that's always been her and me. No one interfering , no distraction, just her and me together In her room.  Our thing.  I know it shouldn't, but it feels wrong not having been there.

 Soon she will be starting with a childminder as I return to work. More time to miss with her, my baby. 

Time passes so quickly, blink and its gone. I'm now looking the other end, at my mother's mortality again showing time passing quickly. I wish it would stop for a while. But, it doesn't, instead I need to find a way to appreciate it all so much more

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